In the name of Geha, I cannot believe Ryder interacted with my sister. That he would allow her into the Boiler room without telling anyone, let alone Landow. That she would be stupid enough to wander down below the city after her Bleeding Rite. He knows that this time of year is already hard on me. No matter how cheerful and happy I am here as an Unfavorable, no matter how much better my life is out here than it was in Geha, I’ve never forgotten a single one of her birthdays since I was kicked out.
As pathetic as it sounds, I celebrated her birthday every year. My parents? I knew they would essentially disown me when I was brought to the Boiler room after my Rite, but I also knew that Al wouldn’t be able to let go. Well, I hoped she wouldn’t. Maybe I was just desperate not to be forgotten. Or I was the one who couldn’t let my little sister go. I don’t know what it was, but my life here never felt complete without some sort of recognition. Which is why, every year on her birthday, I do what I can to make a dinner and small present for her. I keep the gifts in a wooden chest next to my bed.
I’ve always wanted to give them to her. To see how she’s handling Geha, school, and our parents without me. We were pretty inseparable before my Rite. She’s really the only thing I miss from that life. As the years passed, I started to come to terms with the fact I would never be able to give them to her. Now, hearing that she was here, outside my front door earlier this afternoon is just overwhelming. It was all too much to deal with. Not so soon after celebrating her birthday alone. I knew it was her year to have the Bleeding Rite. That’s why this was the hardest year since I first left. I wanted her to do well, but I wanted to see her, too.
I don’t regret anything I said to Ryder. I know that, deep down, he’s a good guy, but I’ve seen how he treats girls he finds attractive. If he did somehow meet my sister, he’s not the kind of man I would want her to be with. He has been a bit strange the past couple days, but it’s not guarantee that it’s because of meeting her. It could literally be anything. Maybe he was helping a new Unfavorable become acquainted with the new life, and she messed with him. Yeah, and now he’s messing with me in turn.
Still, there’s one thing he was right about. Alora definitely isn’t going to be the same person I remember from six years ago. I know that I’ve changed a lot since then. I had to if I wanted to survive this life. If she did happen to appear, would she even recognize me? Would I recognize her? Would she approve of the man I’ve become? What grade did she receive from her Bleeding Rite? I should have been there…
Perhaps I should hide all day tomorrow, on the off-chance she shows up. Or go to work per usual. That way there’s no way she can be disappointed with who I am and what I’ve become after all these years. Learning to live on my own and fend for myself, make a name for myself, earn a living to support myself. Trying to find books so that I could continue some sort of schooling outside of Geha… it wasn’t easy or fun. It wasn’t the life I had planned for myself, needless to say.
Still, though. After so long missing her and not having my sister in my life, I’m a bit curious about what it would be like to see her again. To interact with her again. Would we automatically click like we did as kids, or be awkward and not know what to say to one another after all this time? I’m not convinced I want to know. I’m not confident that I’m ready.